rough draft of assignment #1

Zabrina Evans
Multimedia Writing
January 24, 2011
My Life: Past and Present
Looking up to her mother as a little girl always does, this little girl is wondering why her mother in unresponsive and seemingly uncaring to the fact that she even exist. Growing older the young girl realizes that the person she saw then and sees now is not her mother, but rather a body consumed by drugs and self defeat. In attempts to be loves and accepted, this little girl follows her mother’s footsteps and intern created a world, where her and her mother can share a common interest and build a relationship. That little girl was me, that is my mother, drugs were my life and this is my story.
Growing up my only reality was the life of a drug user. It was in my everyday life in and out of my home and seen as a normal thing to do. I jumped right into the drug scene like a swimmer soaring off the high dive. Just as any kid would if they found a hobby that they felt would make them cook or accepted. Only normally they find a hobby dealing with writing or art or sports and so on and so forth. Yet for the, more common than not, reality of young children in the city suburbs, the life of addicts is the only reality and the one that many of the children fall into. Living the life of a 30+ drug addict in the body of a young adolescent has a definite negative effect on the way others perceive you. Put yourself in the shoes of the user and see how once the spiral starts down, it is nearly impossible to bring oneself back to normal reality.
Sitting in bed thinking of all of my life goals as an 11 year old, many want to be a doctor, actress or astronaut, I wanted to use all the drugs in the world. I thought that it would bring good things in my life and felt that I would grow so much from knowing the affects of these drugs and already had a great understanding that many drugs took you to a better place, a “happy place” if you will. I believed that this would be my life path, no matter what; I would die way before the age of 55, with a life full of experiences and dying young and happy. I later learned that this was absolutely not the case. Starting with cigarettes and moving onto alcohol, I quickly jumped into marijuana and cocaine and kept on discovering many more ways to get that great high. Walking down the steps of a friend’s house towards the basement, feeling the cool air on my face, my blood began quickly flowing in my body and I felt warm all over my body with the ecstatic feeling of my next high is coming. I right away ask, “Where’s the bowl?” Getting a confused look in return from my friend, as he pulled out a small bag filled with white powder and sat it on the table, beginning the process of dividing lines and measuring lengths. Being with an older crowd and many of them being my sisters friends, my sister included, I did not want to be the “loner” or the one to say no, I volunteered to do the first line, my first of many.
This habit of finding the “right” people, who were really the wrong people seemed to come naturally to me. I was accepted in this scene, no drug addict wants to go down alone. The ball was rolling and I was on it, which soon turned to my search for better highs, better relaxation, this began my search for heroine. I wanted it, I felt I needed it and I ignored all friends who were addicts like me, saying no and asking me if that is really where I wanted to go in life. At that point my answer was yes. I saw no other future. After countless years of drug use, random nights sleeping in cars, being surrounded by guns and seeing where my mother had ended, as well as my own personal death from a heroin and crack overdose, I realized there was more to life. My eyes were opened and a new leaf had fallen, giving me a second chance. I was a lucky one who received a second chance, one who now takes nothing in life for granted. Not everyone has this chance. The idea that kids see now other way out is saddening. I did learn many great life lessons being a drug addict for nearly 10 years, but at the same time lost so many opportunities’ and now lack some things in life that many have do to self infliction. My organs are weak, my brain does not move as quickly as it should and the inability to caring a child is things I will always wish I could get back. I did this to myself, thinking there was no other way, believing it to be reality. It’s important to mentor kids, to teach them and open there eyes at a young age of possibilities, allow them the knowledge of what these bad habits can do. Don’t hide it from them, they’ll look on there on if not.